A new beginning

Monday, 28 February 2011

Jiggsaws

I'll upload pics of some of my jiggsaws, not all though, cuz I don't have pics of all of them (yet) hehe... I'm working on a 2000pieces one right now, but I haven't really been at it a lot. I used to do a lot more of them before I got Steam hehe.
This first one is a 3000pieces one. It's BEAUTIFUL! I love it!

These two are actually one and the same, it's doubblesided. It's only 500pieces but since it's a bit hard to tell which way to turn the pieces at first, it does take some time.


This is another one of my favorites, just cuz I love dogs so much hehe. Can't really remember at the moment if this is 500 or 1000 pieces (think it's 1000), and I'm to lazy to go check hehe.

Love this jiggsaw too, or well... the look of it. It's terrible to put together since it's a painted picture, which means that the lines are very hard to follow. This one is 500 or 1000 as well, think it's 1000, but not sure.

This is a very interesting one, it's 1000 pieces but they are "XL" so the pieces are BIG! Hahaha. It's a nice puzzle I guess but I dunno... It's not that special. It's a pic of the Spanish stairs in Italy btw.

The pigs, the pigs...

Well! I'm tired as hell haha. Didn't even sleep 2 hours this night, got lots of stuff on my mind and I just can't "turn of" the thoughts. Me and Yin went shopping today and I think I spent like 70E or something hehehe... oops... Haha, nah, actually I didn't buy so much things that I didn't plan to buy. Got some pics of a couple of things I bought, but not everything.

The 2 flowers are actually hairpins. I'm not sure how much I will use them, but they are pretty! hehe The braclet and the necklace have a pink ribbon on them cuz most of the money you pay for them goes to reserch to prevent brestcancer. It's a nice cause and besides they are all pink and pretty!


I FINALLY GOT A NEW MP3!!!! Oh I've been needing to get that for such a long time. I hate to go places without music. I haven't tried it out yet though, I will after posting this entry hehe. It's pretty small and can store 4GB. That's kinda nice. Wasn't very expensive eiter, 30E actually. Let's hope it has a nice sound!


The pigs, the pigs! Hahaha Me and Yin kept buying these small pigs in a machine hahaha. You know, those ones that you put a coin in, flip a switch and get a ball with a little surprise inside hehe. So I got these 3, and Yin got 3 as well hehe. They are kinda cute, but still got a bit of an evil look hehe. Here's a pic of Yin "purchasing" them hehe:

And well, to end this entry I'll post a pic of a fish we saw in the petstore hehe.





Sunday, 27 February 2011

Tears for you baby

Have been trying to sleep for little over an hour now. I don't know what to do with my life now, what direction to take, what choises to make. I'm tired of feeling like I have no real purpose here. I feel... unecessary...

So I'm sitting here crying, cuz when I had you baby, all choises just seemed so much easier. You were the center of my life, and everything I decided to do had to work out with your needs and such. Ludde baby, I really wish I had you here with me... It's so empty without you.

I know it was your time to leave this life, but I still feel like you left me to soon. I miss to grab hold of your fluffy ears and give you a big kiss on your forehead, I miss your cute little snores at night and I miss the way you looked at me when I tried to "steal" one of your toys. Life just isn't the same without you. I grew up with you, I can barely remember how it was before you came into my life.

.... I should be sleeping, I know.... the memories... the happiness.... the love.... I miss you baby.... I just wish I could hold you one more time and tell you how much I love you...

Friday, 25 February 2011

My hours

So.... Yin went to Finland today. I'm all alone!! waaa!! Hahaha, nah, I'll be ok. Got me buddies on steam hehe. And I've compleatley turned the hours, I just can't sleep at night. Keep waking up at 17.30 now adays since I fall asleep around 9am or so. Sigh.

Guess this night will be full of gaming. What else? hehe.

Thursday, 24 February 2011

No excuse

So, now I have no excuse not to talk in game anymore haha. Vitor helped me out so now I gotta talk all the time I guess hehe. And SOMEONE is very talanted when it comes to singing and playing guitar! ;)

Fail

Hahahaha I was gonna go sleep one more hour when the time was like... 11am. Woke up now, at 17.30 hehe. Ah well... at least I was up this morning making some nice scones for me and Yin. Watch it here

Lonley morning

Well... as I mentioned a while ago, everyone's asleep. So here I am, drinking some blueberrytea and listening to this lovely music! Kinda drifting away in daydreams and just feel quite good. It's so nice to just cose your eyes and feel that things will all sort itself out one day.

Early sleep, early wake up

Fell asleep early last night, which resulted in me waking up at 4am. Yin and Attila were still up so we decided to have a game of l4d2. Was fun at first but then this guy who were on our team started calling Coach (game charachter) "the fatty black one" and other shit about him being black. I don't think he was really a racist, but it's not really a thing to joke about...

And now everyone is of to bed and I'm left here all alone... sigh.... I guess I could try to sleep a bit more but I don't really feel like it... Maybe I'll go have some breakfast and then we'll see.

Wednesday, 23 February 2011

This is what echoes in my head

I so wish I had someone to snuggle up next too. Someone to cuddle, hug and kiss. I don't like being alone, it's just not the kind of person I am...

Tuesday, 22 February 2011

Tired of this kind of feelings

I wonder where this feeling comes from. The day started of great really. But now - I'm just... bah... Surounded by "suckiness" or something... Kinda feel like just going to bed... Had some thoughts coming over me, thoughts I haven't had in over 3 years. Well, maybe not thoughts, but feelings. A sort of mixture of anger, disapointment and sadness. Shit... Came to think of my ex Kimo, and the way he (unintentionally) tried to decide who could be my friend and he could get pissed of at me for the smallest thing. Something that was just normal to me looked like cheating in his eyes. F*ck... These feelings just flooded me right now. I just don't want to go through that again. His jealousy was just... over the edge. Some jealousy is just normal, I feel it too. But to act it out on maximum setting.. I can't bare that. My heart relies on trust. Without that, there's nothing.

And another thing.. yesterday... a friend told some people I'm not single. Am I not? That's more than I know... I'm so confused! It's just too much going on right now... I really need a job so I can have other things to think about than all this..

Now I'm gonna check out how crysis look on this new pc and then I'll snuggle up in bed with some cookies and watch tv. Then we'll see what the evening has in store for me....

Update

Hey world! hehe. Got my new pc last night, so it was pretty interesting to try it out! It's pretty nice, just not so into the acer lay out or the windows 7 layout. But I'll get used to it hehe. Had an interesting night, both ups and downs. Sitting here right now with some noodles and shaken chocolate. I'm up pretty early right? Had like 2 hours of really good sleep, but felt like... if I get up early then I might fall asleep earlier this evening.

Oh, watching Big brother atm. I got the webversion so I can watch it whenever I want during the whole season hehe. And another thing... my arms hurt so bad!!! It's from carrying the pc home yesterday... sigh...

Sunday, 20 February 2011

Chocolate

Hehe, I bought some chocolate for me and Yin when I was at the store... Pretty right?


Thoughts of the day

Felt a bit blue last night, but then I started feeling better after talking to some lovley people on steam. Leon and I had a musicnight btw, and I got to know him a lot better. He's nice. I should play more games with him.

And right now I have to make my self get of the pc and the cute conversation I'm having with V. I really need to go to the store... sigh... hehe. But when I do go there, I have a warm heart to save me from the cold outside.

But I start to get scared of dreaming... I'm afraid that I'll wake up one day and everything is gone...

My favorite flowers

I’m lying here in bed, thinking of all the guys that ever touched my heart. Veronica is the name of a flower, did you know? Maybe I am a flower sometimes. I wish the coldness of the winter will never come, so I can shine forever and spread happiness to everyone.

Once I shared my love with a black tulip. He stood alone even though he blended in. The black jealousy finally became too much for me and I had to leave this strong flower that stood so tall.

Then came the time when I med the Amaryllis. If you treat them with love and care they can live for years. I kept mine alive for 3 years and was rewarded with a full red flower every sixth month. But every sixth month wasn’t enough. For neither one of us.  But it surely was a flower that I’ll never forget.

After this I started to search for flowers to share my love with. But that just isn’t a good idea. I started liking a wood anemone, and as everyone knows they blossom in early spring and he liked me too. But I have some fire in me that a calm and gentle wood anemone doesn’t have. We started rushing things, creating a storm that had us fight to get every last drop of water. But then the climate changed and we can now live in peace again, even if not as close.

Then came a red rose, fiery and loved by all. As every rose, he’s accompanied by a big crowd of friends. They just don’t stand alone. But also a rose has thorns, and maybe it’s the passion combined with a fear of letting anyone too close. When you touch a rose, you can feel both the thorns and the softness of the lovely petals. I guess that’s why I don’t know where my love to you stands.

I also know a bluebell. So beautiful, pleasing, kind and gentle. This flower always make me smile, and as an enchanted bell, he manage to warm my heart with his golden voice. He has put himself in a shadow, cause’ you know you’re not allowed to pick a bluebell. They need to stay where they grow. So to be able to see this flower every day, you must prove that you will give this flower sunshine for the rest of your life. It’s a wonderful flower, and it’s blue, just as me…

You don’t find the best flowers in dancing flowershops. You must find them in places that your heart leads you to. I only wish my heart knew, which flower that is the right one for me…

Saturday, 19 February 2011

It says it all

Well, as I said, I have some pics! And guess what, I even made a movie hehe. Had a nice day today, but I'm kinda tired now - got up pretty early you know. Ah well, here's the pics and the movie:

Beautiful kittycat!

Hey man! Wtf! hahahaha

HAHA I caught him yawning! Looks like he's screaming his ass of! hehehe

Aww, blurry but cute!

"Hey, let me get that... Omg! Did you see what he just did!" hehehe

Hahaha, awesome gift to give someone! It says "Well you already have everything!" Haha isn't it just great? I wonder what people would say if they get an empty box like that! hehe.

AAAAAAND now to the movie!

Which I for some reason can't upload here... shit... Well, you can see it here:



Goodnight

Tomorrow it's time to go to the catshelter again, so I think I should sleep now. Especially since I'm taking my nephews into town tomorrow afternoon. Ah, I'm gonna be exhausted! I didn't game yesterday, was supposed to do it today but then I didn't, I wonder how it will be tomorrow night... to tired maybe? Ah, we'll see.

I'm bringing my camera tomorrow, and who know's I might shoot a couple of clips and make a movie like I did a week ago or so. But I'm not sure. But pics, yes! There will be.

Well, goodnight then world! Tchau!

Friday, 18 February 2011

Back in the saddle?

Feel a bit better today. Felt good to wake up and the first thing i saw was a text from you! Haha, I even had the phone in my hand when i woke up... That's surley interesting! Guess I was reseting the alarm or something while I still was asleep hehe. So, I have some games I just have to play tonight. Promised a game of l4d2 with the old standard gang hehe. Maybe they've missed me a bit now that I'm always playing killing floor with the boys hehe. But there WILL be some killing floor tonight as well! I didn't play it yesterday so it's a must!

I've come to the decision to take everything slow. I will let all decisions just fall into place and then we'll see what happens. Cuz to make myself come up with a decision right now is just not working. I just end up hurting someone (including myself), and that's not what I want.

We had a good day today v, even though we haven't even talked online yet. Well, except for facebook hehe. And I think I'm even getting to the point where I'm a bit happy again (as long as I don't think about stuff). And I really love your texts, I felt like in that pic (you know which one) today everytime I heard I got a text.

Pen and paper

Excuse my poor handwriting at this hour...

You let me go

You never dared to hope for us
You never really gave us a chanse
I handed you my heart
But you didn't take it

Now things are the way they are
And believe me I wish they weren't
I know I hurt you
But I've told myself that better now than later
Before it get's to far

I read you're cute texts
Thinking that the girl that get's you is lucky
But I believe I'm not that girl
I think you don't really want me
Or you would have taken my heart
When I tried to give it to you

There's someone that do want my heart
And I've told you I like him too
If you were in my situation
What would you do?

Thursday, 17 February 2011

Sofa King Terrible

I hate this right now... It's like we broke up in a way even though we weren't actually together... And there's this tension between us that wasn't there before. I just hope that we can stay friends cuz I really don't want to lose you. I'm having so much fun with you.

My feelings are so mixed right now... And it's all my fault for creating this situation... Shit... Why did I have to like two people at once..? This could only end in one way and it's not a good way. Someone would get hurt, and right now I think I would have prefered it being me... Rather me than the two of you...

Reaper showed me this song yesterday. Kinda thought "wtf" at first, but now it kinda speaks to me. It kinda suits this moment and it's pretty much how I feel actually...

Wednesday, 16 February 2011

Thoughts, feelings and more

Got a small valentine's day card today hehe. A little late, but nice. From my mom! hehe. Very sweet. Sitting here drinkin some tea that has gone cold now. Had my mind elsewhere i guess. As always these days.



My sister just called me, one of her kids got this friend with bad influence. So I'm gonna take him out to do something this weekend. Will be nice. This means I can't stay up all night during the weekend, so sorry all steamusers, I know you'll miss me like hell! hehehe.

And well... this song... thoughts, meanings.............truth...



Heartbeat

I have so much I could write here... but not now...

My heart is just... overwhelemed...

I almost gave up on you...

I moved on..

And then you just pulled me straight back...

I wonder how that's even possible....

I guess there's just one answer to that...

And I've told you that already....

Monday, 14 February 2011

Oh, and happy valentine's day!

Messed up

I've come to think that I in a way attract complicated situations latley. It's not easy I tell ya... But on the other hand, if it was easy, then I'd probably be dead. Sometimes I don't know what I want, and sometimes I just live in the moment and do what makes sense then.

Me and Attila talked about dreams before, and we came to the conclusion that dreams are just messing things up. To live in the moment and not think too far ahead is usually better. And maybe I should do that. But then again... I'm kinda of a person that likes to plan ahead. But I don't want to build up fancy castles and green fields just for it all do come crashing down again. I need to be more careful.

Had a good chat tonight, got to bed around 8am this morning. I've missed those talks. In a way I feel like maybe things are going back to "nomal", even though I'm not sure there ever was a "normal". Now I'm just rambling on and I should probably stop. My thoughts are just too messed up to be written down.

Friday, 11 February 2011

Went to get Yin's guitar

Well.. I guess this video kinda speaks for itself. Me and Yin went to get the guitar she bought, and well... Yeah, see for yourself hehe...


Snowcovered

So... I told you a little bit more than I was planing too... haha omg, I never listen, not even to myself. But I guess I kinda got the perfect oppurtunity to do so. You know... last night, after you went to bed I was listening to your songs on youtube...again... hehe. Maybe I feel like you're a bit closer when I can hear you... Then I realised, you haven't heard me much at all, think you've heard tops 2 songs that I've sung, but you haven't really heard me speak! hehe.

Lots of snow here. Trains and busses are out of order and people can't get to work/school. But I don't really get why this is such a big problem, cuz it's unlikley it's that much worse than a couple of weeks ago. Did all the workers who "removes snow" (plowing and such) got let go already?

Anyway, still no sign of my new pc.. sigh. But who knows, I need to go check the mailbox to see if I got one of them papers from the postoffice. But they WERE supposed to send me a text so I dunno...

I'm of to take a shower. Over and out!

Thursday, 10 February 2011

A little bit of each

Late night yesterday, Yin and I was chatting away and then I started to clean my hamsters cage. While doing that I poped on The Lionking 2, thought it could be nice. And it was, really that movie is awesome. By the time it ended it was already 4am and then we decided it was time to go to bed. But whaddaya know, we got stuck watching Meangirls on tv as well haha. Fell asleep around 5.30... oops... hahaha!

Lots of snow coming down today, sure it's beautiful, but I'd like spring now. We really had a white winter this year. Been a while since we had this much snow actually... I'd like it to go away not just cuz it's warmer, but I want to go pick the first flowers of spring and put them at my dog's grave... God I miss him so much... I miss how he always gave me this look and a heavy sigh when he thought I was awake too long hahaha. I even miss the constant barking when someone entered the house or he saw someone through the window. It just feels more like home when your having a dog around the house.

...

I was writing something here.. something about someone I wish I knew in real life. Someone I think about a lot, and someone I wish would be the last person I saw every night when I fall asleep. But then I decided to erase what I wrote, cuz latley my heart has been confusing me a lot, and I don't want to say something to soon. But I do wish I could meet you...

Wednesday, 9 February 2011

When dreams pisses you of

Had a long night of sleep. Which was nice. If I don't think about the things I dreamt. First thing I dreamt was that me, my dad, my sister, her kids and her ex (who is her ex since like 6 years ago!) were gonna go somewhere together. I think we were going to Skansen (which is a zoo here in stockholm, and the oldest of it's kind in the world). I think we were even supposed to go stay there or something (which you can't). Anway, the "important" part is that we were gonna take the subway there, and my sisters ex gave me this freepass, and I was like ok, and tried to use it. But then the woman who stamps the tickets said I couldn't use it, and didn't really give me a good reason why. I was kinda stressed out so I thought "whatever" and handed over my ususal ticket so she could stamp that instead. And wtf! The woman says it doesn't work and that I need to plan my trips better?! I try to have her explain to me why it doesn't work, cuz I have more clips left on it than I need for that trip. Eventually I get tired of arguing with her and since I hear the subway coming I just dash pass her and run up the stairs. Then up on the station it's all a big confusion with my family since I took so long down stairs! The train comes and eveyone get's on, but then we realise that my dad didn't! I tried to hold the doors but no success. We just figured he'll have to take the next train. Then there were some stuff happening on the train too, but I don't remember that. Only thing I remember is that I was gonna check something in my wallet and my ATM-card fell out. It slided all across the train so I had to run after it.. bah... riduculous.

This isn't enough no, I have more dreams! Haha, I'm telling you, this is no short entry!

Second part of the dream that I remember is a bit weird. Or everything is weird! Haha! Me and Malin were at the catshelter as we are every other saturday. First thing that happend there was that some cat had managed to break the vaccumcleaner by chewing the tube of it. A big hairy cat btw... hehe. Anyway, we don't use a vaccumcleaner where the cats normally live so it didn't matter that much. Then we walk into this room where there's a washingmachine, cleaningproducts, blankets and such. And in my dream it for some reason looks like a bloody videostore!! There's tons of movies in there! Wtf!? We started to check some of them out thinking that this and that one would be nice to watch. Then Pirjo (a woman that works there) comes in there, picks out Titanic and says to us: we really have to remember to watch this when halloween comes. Me and Malin: Yeah! definitley! Wtf?! HAHAHAHA Etither way, we then decide it's time to start working. Malin says she wrote on the board that we were gonna take care of the blue and pink ward, so I go to get some stuff. Then when I got it, I go back out there and I find Malin in a bathtub???!! Me: What the hell are you doing?!!?! Malin: I'm taking a bath.. Me: WHAT?! HAHAHA omg that was so weird... she had bubbles and everything!!! Hahahaha! And there's not even normally a bathtub there!!! Christ... So weird...

Okay onto the next dream, which is actually weird just cuz I needed to hurry to get to the catshelter, so in a way it happend before the previous dream. Ah well. Here goes:

I'm in this store, I wanted to get something to drink before going to the catshelter. For some reason I had decided on getting Pepsi (which is funny cuz I don't like that), so I get this big bottle and I was so thirsty I actually took a sip of it before I paid for it. Funny thing was it started to "buzz" or whatever to call it, you know as when you open a fizzy drink. But it didn't stop when I turned the lid back on. Saw a guy in the store carrying a bottle of Fanta with the same problem. Actually I remember a lot of details of people in the store, but it's not important so I'll skip that. The whole thing starts when I get to the register. Now I have for some reason decided to buy some fruit as well. So, I'm in line behind this guy with a jeansjacket. Then when it's my turn a woman tries to cut in line saying it's her turn. I talk to her and say like come on, it's obvious I was here before you etc. Then we let the clerk decide who was there first and she picks the other woman(!), but okay, I decide it's not the end of the world, I'm not in that big of a rush even though I need to hurry up a little bit. This woman turns out to take ages, and God knows what for, and then when she finally is done, another woman tries to cut in line! But this time the clerk attends me first. But the woman that's right behind me now, she has already put some of her stuff on the counter and I ask the woman who was attended before me if she forgot them cuz I didn't see the "new" woman putting them there. So then the new woman get pissed of saying I'm trying to steal her groceries! WTF?! I was trying to be nice! I appologize to this new woman explaining it was a misstake. Either way I manage to calm down this situation. Then the clerk says okay she checked how much I need to pay and gives me this reciet, then tells me to go pay in another place... Which kinda made me think of how the system works in Brazil but anyway, back to the dream. So I go to this other place to pay, and a woman there (another clerk) says that this first woman had pressed some kind of charges on me. Basicly I start to laugh at the situation thinking omg, this is a joke! Where's the freaking cameras?! Eventually i convince this clerk of what happend and tell her that I really wasn't looking for any troubble. Then I don't really remember more of this dream... But I woke up kinda pissed of!

Christ, that was a long entry... So I guess I better stop now eh? Hehe.

Tuesday, 8 February 2011

Nothing much to say

I know, I know, I'm not so great at updating my blog all the time. But I've had a lot on my mind these last few days. And i guess I've kinda escaped from the thoughts by playing Killing Floor. Awesome game! I'll get a new PC in 1-3 days so I'm really looking forward to start playing as I used too.

Well... my thoughts.. I'll keep them to myself for a while. Sleep well world! hehe

Saturday, 5 February 2011

Catshelter

Well... was as the catshelter today again and as always I have some pics hehe. And really, I don't know what was going on today, Malin told me this jibber jabber like humullumum or something and I UNDERSTOOD what she ment!!! HAHA omg... so weird hehe... In her own words that means give me the mop. She said something else which was really funny too and I said I was gonna post it on facebook, unfortunatley I've forgotten what it was... dammit!!

Today I feel... I don't know... just relaxed and pleased with everything. I guess I didn't let any thoughts bother me today, even though I have many hehe. And actually I think it had something to do with the fact that I was able to game a bit yesterday. In some weird way it really makes me feel good. Maybe cuz it's a way to just not think about anything else than just the game for a while. Haha, was quite obvious that I haven't played for a while cuz I actually got startled when I started to play l4d2. But that's funny too hehe.

Well, here's some pics from today.


Haha, love this one, to bad it's blurry!


Rimfrost, love you!!


Evil or what? hahaha


LOOOOVE this pic, lucky snap for sure.


Ninja?


OH GOD!! PLS DON'T!!



Ehh... this is a blanket... wtf?!



Friday, 4 February 2011

Demons & Angels

So I got the entire weekend to myself. Yin's of to meet "someone" hehe. Gonna steal her pc and game a bit woohoo! But I can't stay up too late though, going to the catshelter tomorrow morning so I gotta get up at 7am. Well I should continue cleaning my room so I actaully can start gaming hehe. But first I have to show these pretty face products I bought today. I think I got it just cuz I loved the bottles hehe cute brand logo! Look!