This damn feeling again...

Had a nice day. Finished all my laundry, did the dishes while Yin cleaned the kitchen etc. Then some of the usual gaming with the boys and it was all very nice. But now everyone went to bed, and I guess I should too but I don't know. Suddenly I just felt sad... maybe reality hit me. I really need to straighten out this shit now. I'm tired of just being home. And I miss some friends who I barely spend time with anymore. Even gamers on steam I've kinda lost touch with. Sure I'm happy hanging out with the boys, but I had other friends too. Well, I guess they still are my friends but we just barely talk any more. And when they invite me to games I'm always to busy in game that I don't even have time to tell them "sorry no, not atm, already in game". Shit... I've been acting kinda stupid latley. Maybe this feeling is a sort of guilt. Like... It's been AGES since I had a game with Panda, Attila and Sniik....wtf... Am I really that busy that I can't have one game with them?

Maybe it's these stupid achievements... I'm addicted to them. It's ridiculous really. But still I enjoy it. I think that after my dog passed away I've just let myself do whatever I feel like for the moment instead of actually do what is necessary. I NEED to get a job or study. But I just can't find any. I'm gonna look into that nurse thing a bit more I guess, but thing is... Even if I think it could be nice, it's not really a dream of mine. I wish I had a dreamjob. Something to motivate me to do what I need to do.

But all I want is a familly life, with kids and dogs... And come on, I'm only 21... well, almost 22 then... Isn't it a bit young to want all that now? I've told people before that it might be because I had to grow up quick and be the woman of the house when my parents got divorced. And maybe it is. Most people my age dream of seeing the world, get their own place etc... But I want the messy house, the pain in the ass-kids, the dogs that steals stuff of the table and the car that never works. The familychaos...